In-Class Today,
My Room is a cesspool, and my life is average.
I napped and read all afternoon. I'm going to see if I can find anyone who wants to study for psych with me tonight. It's less awful if you don't have to do it by yourself.
It's less awful if you don't have to do it by yourself.

I've got about a month and a week. I talked to my neighbor, and she's having the same problems.
It's not all bad, but I miss my home/childhood. I always blog the same old crap
Today I am rocking out, meaning four days left.
Yesterday was pretty much the bomb.
Started off by going to Mimi's Cafe for lunch.
Than we headed over to Arizona Mills and saw the Michael Jackson movie.
It was actually quite enjoyable-- I'd reccomend it.
Then we bought jeans, and replaced g-strings that had been thrown out.
And then we went to the Paradise Bakery to meet up with Syd and her dad for dinner.
Some genius decided to create a sandwhich with
a) cranberry sauce
b) stuffing
c) turkey
d) mayonaise
its kind of delicious =]
so then we went bowling, and it was ten pin.
which i am so not used to (i've only ever done five pin)
so we had a lot of fun, and by the second game it was GLOW IN THE DARK!
Then I helped mommy check into her hotel, and then I went back to the cul-de-sac.
And now I am back at RLP for the day
But I get to go out again tonight... Im really excited =]
And then back to Cowtown on Sunday....aghghghghgh
- Location:Chandler Library
- Music:Take Me Anywhere- Tegan and Sara
Real post later- notes and readings first!
i'm leaving on thursday.
and I pretty much had my emotional break-down yesterday.
it's funny how easily i've been able to deal with the eating disorder.
and yet im such a pathetically ridiculous alcoholic.
so two weeks ago, I was having this problem.
see, I had a bottle of aloe vera
and it's second ingriedient was alcohol.
so whenever I went to bed, I'd eat my alove vera.
than I came to the realization that my anti-bacterial hand lotions
also had alcohol.
thankfully, i told sydney.
we dumped my aloe vera down the toilet and flushed it.
and im starting to get rid of all my products.
im just...a little worried.
i mean, in calgary, you can have such easy access to so many products with alcohol, and even, alcohol itself.
my AA meeting on Thursday was really reassuring though.
we had a speaker, and he was very inspiring.
so I told mom and dad about my issues with such products,
and im crossing my fingers all goes well when I go home.
hmm-- what else?
well, another ex-client tried to get in contact with me, and I almost succumbed.
but (once again) Sydney and I talked about it.
and than she went on my email and deleted the email so I couldn't do anything.
thank god for sydney-- I was telling dad this on the phone last night.
Basically, I dont think anyone has loved me like Sydney has-- she really makes me feel like I deserve what is best for me.
and so, tomorrow we are doing dinner (her dad, my mom, her and me)
im really excited.
aside from that, fuck you calgary.
and i really don't want to leave chandler.
- Location:Chandler Library
- Music:Michael- Franz Ferdinand
Dear Tyler Foehr: Congrats, you are my new favorite gay youtuber! I hope I'm as cool as you when I'm nineteen.
Or better yet, how about you just run away to Canada, buy a drum machine, I'll buy a sequencer, and then we can form a gay dance-band and plays the underage clubs until May seventh!?
Or we could be like Tegan and Sara except male, and not twins?
Oh goddammit I miss playing music. When did I get so pathetic?
-------------------------------
All of my plans for after Econ fell through, so I went back to my room and had instant noodle soup and diet coke. So much for AYCE sushi and pitchers with a huge group of people. Thankfully, Liz and Alex and some other people were having a youtube party in the floor lounge, so it wasn't a complete loss. I have been avoiding talking to people from outside my 5-mile radius for most of this week, so I should probably
-email Jim (and let him know that I'm alive)
-email my psychologist (same reason)
-call my Aunty
-call Bethany
-call Mom
-call Sarah
Holy crap- Sarah gets out this weekend... which is SO good, but sort of strange to think about. It's like the real world back home is going to fall back into place without me, which is sort of sad to think about. The truth is, though, that I'm starting to make my own life out here, which is nice in a way. It's a weird sort of life, but sometimes, it's really really fun. I have friends here, and I'm learning things.
I think the exam went pretty well. My diagrams and writing were a little bit messy, but for the most part, I knew how the cost curves and pricing worked for all of the problems. Kim thinks I should change my prospective major to economics (I know for a fact I'm doing better in Econ than I am in psych). I know that UBC has one of the best economics programs in the world, but the truth is that 1: I don't want to take calculus, and 2: I don't want to be an economist. I would be much happier carving a career out of trying to fix screwed up people than trying to fix a screwed up economy.
I feel strange, but not unhappy right now. About 1 month until term 1 ends.
- Location:My Dorm
- Mood:
awake - Music:Quicksand- La Roux

I paid for my second four months of UBC meal plan
and then watched some television, drank some tea, and read some articles online about economics.
Graham: Of course, you're right. My big problem is pridefulness, which of course keeps me from doing many many things. In that sense, getting pissed on metaphorically might not be such a bad thing for me, because afterwards, I'll probably be more open to getting outside of my own brain. Kind of like how you have to break a horse before it becomes ridable? I am definitely boozing it after econ- that's the tradition now =)
Screw you being younger than me and having no-bars access to liquor/liquor serving establishments. 19 being the age of majority is, with all due respect to people who have to live here full-time, demoralizing. Ugh.
I read your blogspot and picture you living in Edmonton. I'm such a creep.
Arash: I'm sorry you had to see me in such a foul state before I left. I'm not really like that. We should get together for coffee or tea or beer or something over Christmas. How's Scarlett? Is David Olmstead doing alright with Jazz 1?- My bass teacher said he took some lessons earlier in the fall.
Kevin: I'm sorry I was so uncommunicative on Monday. And Saturday. And I'm sorry for being so depressing. I'll get over it.
My Parents: Sorry for not calling/being in my room all week. I'm not dead, I promise.
- Location:Commonsblock
- Mood:
satisfied - Music:Legions (Aftermath)- Zoe Keating
-Econ Midterm
-Econ Midterm
-Econ Midterm
-Stress
-Guilt
-Bad Dreams about failing Econ
-My other subjects (which I am getting behind in, due to the time am devoting to Econ)
-I had a big cup of coffee today. Why am I not happier or more energetic. I don't understand! =(
-This week is suicide prevention week at UBC (hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah
-I would probably be happier doing nothing with my life in Calgary than working myself to death out here
-My parents are the only adults who validate my positive qualities now
-I am wasting time
-I am not happy
-Only girls can make ridiculous amounts of money waitressing for semi-formal restaurant chains (which is a minor form of prostituion IMO)
-Why the fuck didn't I go to SAIT and just learn a trade or something
-UGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH
-I don't want to be smart, or to make money. I just want to be happy
-Learning more things does not make you money. The more you know about the world, the more miserable it becomes (maybe not, but this is what I have been learning summed down to about one sentence: God doesn't exist, and if he did, all white people would go to hell)
-I don't think I really love anything anymore, except possibly eating and sleeping
-I don't think I am particularly good at anything anymore, except FAKING smarts and organization
-Can we just please go back in time to when things were shitty for everyone EXCEPT ME
-I was busy as shit before, but I always had this optimistic sense that I was doing something worthwhile, or that there would be some kind of positive payoff for me in the end. Right now, it honestly does not feel like that.
-I am still really competitive over things I shouldn't be competitive over. I need to get over myself
-My online life is probably nice and more elaborate than my real life
-And that's not saying much
-I think I fucked up
-Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
-Back to work
- Location:Commonsblock
- Mood:
blank - Music:Fern- Zoe Keating

The empire strikes back
In recent weeks, we've taken huge steps towards blocking spam accounts on LiveJournal. In fact, we've suspended as many as 30,000 accounts in a single day! We've implemented several pre-emptive measures to prevent the creation of spam accounts, and we've honed our detection of suspicious content. Spam bots are a crafty lot, so we'll continue to refine our tactics and keep up the good fight to keep you safe from spam attacks on LiveJournal.RSS feeds again
If you're addicted toWii have killer CSI Deadly Intent contests!

If you're a gamer who loves CSI, have Wii got news for you!
Enveloped in postcards
Last week, we asked you to send in postcards to help us decorate our drab concrete walls. Here's a photo of the results so far! Thank you so much and please keep them coming! You can mail them to Frank the Goat, Esq., c/o LiveJournal, Inc., 539 Bryant Street, Suite 210, San Francisco, CA 94107. Be sure to include your username, since we'll be giving ten random users paid account credits.
Photos of the week
If you haven't visited our new LiveJournal photo community, you're in for an amazing visual trip. LiveJournal users from around the world will take you on a scenic journey to everywhere. Post your own pictures or kick back and enjoy at( Read more... )
Things I Love:
-Diet Coke
-The Internet
-Helping Other People Learn
-The People Who Work At My Cafeteria
-Napping
-Being Gay
-"Jude Hours"
-My Beard
-Feeling Organized and 'On Top' of things
-I'm more than half-done the semester
Things I DO NOT Love:
-My Shitty, Antisocial-ness (I almost never initiate social interaction)
-Sundays
-Putting in a lot of effort for mediocre results
-Being single
-The fact that I am never going to be as "smart" (hahahaha) as I was in high school
-Disappointment in general
-Guilt stemming from not doing EVERYTHING
-When people give me dirty looks for NO REASON (am I a hoodlum or something??)
-White-person guilt for having shitty ancestors (we have been getting a lot of this in Sociology and Arts Studies)
-Having to pee
-Homesickness
-Procrastination
- Location:Commonsblock
- Mood:
caffeinated - Music:Under My Skin- Gin Wigmore

Today, me and Kevin saw Regina Spektor.

She's not much of a talker in real life. I was surprised. I was sort of looking forward to the witty stage banter and all that. She played some old songs though, so it was all A-okay.
That's the end of my fun stuff this week. Now, all I've got is work, which is fine. Work keeps me busy, which keeps me from getting depressed I guess.
I've been posting more pictures than words these days. I haven't got a whole lot of personality right now, so that's my excuse.
- Location:My Dorm
- Mood:
complacent - Music:Ode to Divorce- Regina Spektor
I am terrified to come home to Calgary..
I really like living in Chandler.

The best feeling ever: Genuine accomplishment. Here's the story. I studied like a madman all week for Sociology. I went through the books twice each, combed my way through all of the lecture notes, taught other kids the material, and just got a really good understanding of everything. And then I wrote the midterm exam. I have issues with university exams, because you can be fine in the knowledge department, but usually you have to apply your knowledge in some way or another, which is more difficult.
But I did well. Really well.
Too bad it's only worth 5 percent of my final grade (aka: nothing).
Yesterday, me and Genya went on adventures throughout Vancouver. We went to Zulu, and I broke my anti-consumerist streak and blew $18 on this:

I also bought my halloween costume at goodwill for $5.
We ended up going to a Persian Teahouse. I figured that people drink tea at places like that.
NOPE.
That's where people go to smoke hookahs. We sat around for a bit trying to figure it out, got it, and then left.
Genya has a friend who by some strange coincidence was working the Starbucks on Davie and Denman. We all got to talking, and me and her have crazy 6-degrees-of-seperation style connections.
We ended up sleeping on the floor at her apartment, and then we woke up, got coffee and walked around downtown. Today, it is beautiful out!
- Location:My Dorm
- Mood:
content - Music:Alcoholics Unanimous- Art Brut
Thank you everyone, and a special shout out to
Have a great day, night or afternoon wherever you may be.
---
Hi everyone, sorry for the late notice but I'm going to have to do some testing on 1 of our 4 internet circuits TONIGHT; Friday night or Saturday morning depending on which time zone you're in.
Most of us shouldn't notice any impact, though there may be some slowness or lag when I switch traffic on to our other ISP circuits and then another hit when I stop the tests. If a page won't load or times out, try hitting refresh 1 or 2 times and it should load then. If it doesn't work at all... trust me, I'll be typing really really really fast to try to undo whatever I just did. Hopefully you'll have some Halloween candy (if you're in the USA and celebrate that kind of thing) nearby to take away the bitterness of a small site outage. :(
Here's the handy-dandy Website That I Always Use to get a feel for when the maintenance will start in your area. Our site traffic historically dips on Friday afternoons until Saturday morning which is why we tend to pick this time for maintenance work.
( tech details )
status.livejournal.org will, of course be updated before and after the maintenance window. Or else
bt

I know I'm smart.
I know I've studied my ass off...
But pray for me anyways, okay?
In other news, I finally cleaned my room. Now it doesn't smell horrible! =D
- Location:My Dorm
- Mood:
awake - Music:Nothing2Step2- Thunderheist

In response to user comments from last week, we want to let you know that we'll remain LJ cut-free for the next month in order to get more eyeballs on our evolving newsletter. As for product coverage, that continues to be our top priority. For more granular detail, however, we recommend you join
Super-tweak for Yandex search
Some of our beta testers expressed privacy concerns using the Yandex search engine. Here's why: Last week, when you ran a search, you could see the usernames (and only the usernames) of everyone who commented on an entry, even if that entry was switched to Private or Friends Only after it was originally indexed. You could NOT see the actual comments from Friends Only or Private posts. In response to your input, we've implemented a fix to keep all user activity currently marked Friends Only or Private completely hidden. If you'd prefer your public content not to be indexed by Yandex, click here and use the settings labeled Search Inclusion (this covers your entire journal) and/or Comment Search Inclusion (which covers comments only). To test drive Yandex search now, click here.Postcards from the edge
Several years ago, we asked LiveJournal users to send postcards to help us decorate our dull, white-washed offices. Since a good idea warrants repetition, we're at it again (same issue, new address). We hope you'll surround us with LiveJournal love by sending your postcards to Frank the Goat, Esq., c/o LiveJournal, Inc., 539 Bryant Street, Suite 210, San Francisco, CA 94107. We'll post snapshots right here. Be sure to include your username, since we'll randomly pick 10 lucky recipients to win free paid account time.Conquer Writer's Block
Here are some excerpts from this week's most popular question of the day:If a friend or relative makes a racist or homophobic remark, do you tend to confront them or let it slide? Are you more likely to confront them if it offends you directly or someone else who seems reluctant to speak up?
- I find it easier to stand up for other people, and i wouldn't let it slide if they made a rude or hurtful comment.
- Usually if a friend makes a racist or homophobic remark, I tend to let it slide. I think that while i would not say such things myself, I have no right to censor those around me.
- This happens all of the time. I confront some relatives, but I refuse to if they are drunk or watch Fox News.
- I'd let it slide if it was just a private remark... As much as I despise bigotry and intolerance, I know that you can't change people-they have to change themselves ...
- Confront! confront! confront! Politely, but without equivocation.
- SPEAK UP. Always, always, always speak up. Letting something slide lets ignorance win. No matter if it offends me directly, or someone else, I will confront the speaker and let them know that's not ok.
- I don't get offended personally. As an immigrant, woman, gay and person of color if I took every single potentially offensive remark seriously I wouldn't get anything done.
- I punch them in the balls. With my mind.
- I do speak up, but often very timidly because I feel that I'm white and therefore I don't really have any authority to lecture someone on what's racist and what isn't...
- Generally speaking, I do not let this shit fly, because it reduces me as a person, to this non-person and it replicates the destructive discourse that makes sure that sexual minorities, racial minorities, women, people with disabilities, trans people and every intersection thereof into something other than human... And sometimes... I'm just too tired to deal with it, so I roll my eyes, make a sarcastic remark and hope the conversation moves on quickly.
Spotlight community of the week
We can't resist making one last midnight trip to the ol' pumpkin patch. If you adore crazy costumes, fiendish festivities, and bottomless candy consumption as much as we do, this community has just what it takes to light up your jack-o-lantern.
Photos of the week
We received so many incredible photos, we had to close our eyes and point. We uploaded a selection of awesome images at our new![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
Curtains
Thanks, again, for tuning in. We look forward to seeing you next week.
This is a terrible week for blogs. Can you guess why?
- Location:Vanier Cafeteria
- Mood:
depressed - Music:Rehearsing My Choir- The Fiery Furnaces
So ladies and gentlemen, I officially have 2ish weeks left in Arizona. Any new great news? Not really. Theres a lot of new people here, and Im really starting to realize, that its not so much the eating disorder thats been messing things up for me as it is the other stuff. We had to do this group yesterday where we drew a 'pit of shame'... so I drew this giant purple circle..and inside i wrote 'Fucking Slut,' 'Whore,' and 'Piece of Meat.' And then I started crying. So I flipped over the page and drew a rainbow instead. Theres this song by Relient K, its called something along the lines of: Who I am Hates Who I've Been.
I guess when I was asking for a fresh start, I was kind of just asking everyone to forget.
But its really impossible to do that.
I, myself cant even forget.
Every day, its like, I spend at least half the time, inside my head, thinking about things I should have done different.
Or things that I have done wrong.
On my rainbow I wrote 'I promise you, you can go to heaven.'
Other than that, my AA meeting has been postponed until tomorrow.
Tonight we are going to youth group at condemn-you-to-hell-forever-church.
im excited-- there are often people of the opposite gender there, and I don't get to see those often.
My scissors necklace got mangled in the vacuum and looks really gimped up.
I might fail math this semester, its kind of a bummer.
But Im at the point where I could really care less.
I know I could always re-do it next semester, or get my ass in shape and pass this semester.
But Im taking a bit of a one-day-break to calm my nerves.
I guess thats about it for today.
Im getting a little lame, here in rehab.
- Location:Chandler Library
- Mood:
creative





